To be, or not to be

In 2 months time, I'll be turning 32. Recently, I've found some old classmates through Facebook. To my astonishment, most of them are married with children. To a person who doesn't like the idea of being married, the potrait of a happy family suddenly becomes appealing. I feel that I'm a late bloomer, always behind of everyone of same age and still living in my own world; like a turtle. Children with me will be messy. I like everything perfect and beautiful but for me, kids aren't always pretty. The idea of raising one scares me. For that, I opt to stay single.

Some people may not see things the same way. Yes, I admit that I'm selfish and self-centred. But everyone will agree with me that you have to love yourself before you care for others. My conscious mind has repetitvely reminded me that I'm not ready to settle down and I'll not be a good mother if I've a child now. I can be fully responsible for my actions but to be responsible for others will require massive courage and sacrifice. Life may not be as good as others, marriage and children are one-way ticket. If I make a compulsive decision, there's no turning back.